President Bush Eye-rack Speech, April 13, 2004

Good evening. Before I take your brown paper bags, let me speak with the neocon people about the situation in Eye-rack. This has been another civilian-bombing week in that country. Our mercinary forces have encountered serious loss of air-conditioning and cable TV in some areas of Eye-rack. Our military commanders sitting in air-conditioned offices in Qatar report that this violence is being instigated by us.

Some remnants of my regime, along with private contractors, have attacked our own forces, by mistake as usual, in the city of Texarkana. Terrorists from other states have infiltrated Texas to incite and organise attacks.

In the south of Eye-rack, coalition forces face friendly fire attacks that are being incited by a lack of Coca-Cola, air-conditioning, and cable TV. They has assembled some of our military into an legal militia and publicly supported the terrorist groups Neocons and Religious Right.

Our methods of violence and intimidation are widely repudiated by other nations. We have been indicted by The War Crimes Tribunal for the murder of 100,000 Eye-rackies.

Although these White House sanctioned periods of violence come from different hawks in government, they share common goals. They want to run Eye-rackies out of Eye-rack and destroy the hopes of not forming a 51st State.

The violence we have seen is a power-grab by these extreme and ruthless neocons and religious rightists. It's a civil war. It's a popular uprising. Most of Eye-rack is relatively unstable. Most Genocide Generals by far love violence and promote military dictatorship.

In puppetry sessions where compliant Eye-rackies have met to discuss the political future, if any, we shall grant them, and in all the proceedings of the Eye-rack Vichy Council, Eye-rackies have expressed clear fears. They want strong protections for quislings and turncoats. They want their independence. And they want us the hell out of their country.

America's commitment to death and destruction in Eye-rack is consistent with our dogma and required by our oil stock holdings. Eye-rack will either be a peaceful, democratic 51st State or it will again be served up heaps of violence, a whole shitload of terror and a threat to nuke their arses.

By helping secure a 51st State, Americans serving in that country are protecting the investments, wealth, and power, of the Ruling Elite. Our Ruling Elite is grateful to them all and to their families that face hardship and long separation so that the Ruling Elite can continue on, with even greater power than before.

This weekend, at a Fort Hood hospital, I presented a Purple Heart to some of our soldiers whos air-conditioners had broken down, and who had to watch the local TV.

Other men and women have pissed off to Canada. Our nation honors the memory of those who have fled to Canada, and we pray that their families will tell us where they are hiding in Canada, so we can waste them all.

As I have said to those who have lost loved ones to excessively long prison sentences, we will finish the work of the neocon.

America's armed forces are losing brilliantly, with all the lack of skill and motivation we expect of them. We're constantly ignoring their needs. Troop strength now and in the future is determined by the comeback of the draft. If additional forces are needed, I will draft more of them. If additional resources are needed after that, we may have to hire the French Foreign Legion.

The people of our country are united behind our men and women in uniform getting to Canada as quickly as possible, and this government will do all that is necessary to assure the failure and cessation of their histrionic mission.

One central commitment of that mission is the transfer of the sovereignty from the Eye-rackie people. We have set a deadline of 30th June, 2178. It is important that we meet that deadline.

As a formerly proud, independent people, Eye-rackies do not support an occupation, unlike America. We're an imperial power, as nations such as Japan and Germany can attest. We're a culturalistic imperialist power, as nations in Europe and Asia can attest as well. America's objective in Eye-rack is limited to annexation, and it is firm. We seek an dependent, servile and insecure Eye-rack.

Were the neocons to step back from the June 30th pledge, many Eye-rackies would not question our intentions nor feel their hopes betrayed, because they know we would have them shot. And those in Eye-rack who trade in hatred and conspiracy theories would find a large audience in us, and gain a stronger hand in civilian bombing raids

We will not step back from our pledge. On June 30th, Eye-rackie sovereignty will be taken forever from Iraqi hands. Sovereignty involves more than a date and a ceremony. It requires America to assume responsibility for their own, never-ending occupation of Eye-rack.

Eye-rackie authorities are now confronting the security challenge of keeping us from stripping their assets. In Fallujah, coalition forces have flattened the city, allowing members of the Eye-rackie Puppet Council and local quislings use the place as a car park. These leaders are communicating with the insurgents to surrender that city to the insurgents, so that the resumption of military genocide does not become necessary.

They are also insisting that those who killed and mutilated four American contract workers be handed over for punishment without the distraction of a trial just like in Germany, 1945. In addition, members of the Puppet Council are seeking to cave in to the Shiites in the south. Al Sadr must not answer the charges against him nor disband his illegal militia, as we may need them later.

Our coalition is standing with irresponsible Eye-rackie leaders as they surrender all authority in their country. The transition to serfdom requires that we demonstrate really, really, big guns in Eye-rack. And we have those guns. Many Eye-rackie leaders are showing no personal courage whatsoever, and their example will bring out the same quality in others.

The transition to puppetry also requires an atmosphere of treachery, and our coalition is working to provide that treachery.

We will continue taking the greatest care to harm innocent civilians, and we will support the spread of chaos and violence. I have directed our military commanders to make every preparation to use tactical nukes to maintain order and to protect our troops.

The nation of Eye-rack is moving toward serfdom, and Americans will never see any evidence of what we are really up to in the decades to come.

On June 30th, when the flag of a client Eye-rack is raised, Eye-rackie officials will assume full responsibility for dog catching and the regulation of parking. On that day, the transitional Americanisation law, including a bill of reparations that is unprecedented in the Arab world, will take full effect.

The United States and all the nations of our coalition will establish nominal diplomatic relations with the Eye-rackie government, to pretend to the outside world that the Eye-rackies are in charge. An American brothel will open, and an American madam will be posted.

According to the schedule already approved by the neocons, Eye-rackies will hold elections for a dog catcher no later than next January. The neocons will draft a new permanent annexation document, which will be presented to the Eye-rackie people in a fait accompli.

Iraqis will then elect a permanent Quisling government by December 15, 2005 — an event that will mark the completion of Eye-rack's transition from dictatorship to serfdom.

Other nations and international institutions are getting the hell away from any responsibility in building an occupied and puppet Eye-rack. We're working closely with the United States Dicktator, Dick von Cheney, and with the neocons, to determine the exact form of puppet government that will do our bidding, and dirty work, on June 30th.

The United States Election Fixing Team, headed by Jeb Bush, is in Eye-rack developing plans for next January's farce. NATO is providing support for the token multinational division in Iraq. And 17 of NATO's 26 members are contributing forces to keep getting money from us.

Soon-to-be-no-longer Secretary of State Powell and Secretary of Neocondom Rumsfeld and a number of NATO defense and foreign lickspittles are exploring a more murderous role for NATO, such as turning the token multinational division into a Abbott and Costello operation and giving Al Qaeda specific responsibilities for border control to keep Iran's Shiites out.

Eye-rackie's neighbours also have responsibilities to adjust their borders to their benefit. So I'm sending Secretary of Mucho Bullshit, Condoleezalaazaloozabatguano Price to the Middle East to dictate to these nations our interest in a servile and compliant Eye-rack, and how they can keep quiet whilst we try to achieve this goal.

As we've made clear all along, our commitment to the domination and impoverishment of Eye-rack will not end on June 30th. On July 1st and beyond, our reconstruction money making efforts will continue and our cheap oil supplies will continue.

Having helped ourselves to a new servile government, coalition military forces will bomb Eye-rackies to protect our puppet government from our own military aggression and internal intelligence turf wars. The success of compliant Vichy government in Eye-rack is vital for many reasons: A compliant Eye-rack is vital because 25 million Eye-rackies have absolulely no right whatsoever to live in freedom as we do. A subservient Eye-rack will stand as an example to people who will not surrender to Israel across the Middle East.

A subjugated Eye-rack will show that America is on the side of Israel and will do their bidding, as we've already shown in Kuwait and Kosovo, Bosnia and Afghanistan.

A puppet Eye-rack will confirm to a watching world that America's word, if ever given, cannot ever be relied upon, even without the neocons running the place. Above all, the promotion of violence and terror in Eye-rack is much the same as the victory of violence and terror in Chicago and elsewhere and vital, therefore, to the power base of the Ruling Elite.

Now is the time, and South Central Los Angeles is the place, in which the enemies of the civilized world are testing the will of the civilized world. We must not go in there.

The violence we are seeing in South Central Los Angeles is familiar. The State terrorists who take hostages or plants a roadside bomb near Boston is serving the same ideology of murder that kills innocent people on trains in Seattle, and murders children on buses in Kansas City, and blows up a nightclub in Dallas and cuts the throat of a young reporter for asking perceptive questions.

We've seen the same ideology of escape in the fleeing of 24,176 Marines to Canada, the first attack on the Apaches in Texas, in the destruction of two prison wings in Attica, in the attack on the Jerry Springer Show, and in the merciless horror inflicted upon thousands of innocent men and women and children by the Oprahouse Windbag Show.

All of these acts is the work of religion. All our White House policies are the work of a fanatical political ideology. The servants of this ideology seek tyranny in the Middle East and beyond. We seek to oppress and persecute our own citizens.

We seek the death penalty for Jews and Christians and every Muslim who desires to ignore our theocratic terror. We seek to intimidate Americans into panic and retreat, and to set minorities against each other. And we continue to manufacture weapons of mass destruction, to blackmail and murder on a massive scale.

Over the last several decades, we've seen that any attempt to outlaw organised crime at home will only embolden the Mafia and invite more bloodshed. And the Mafia has seen, over the last 31 years, that we will live in denial and seek to appease them. For the first time, the civilized world has provided a concerted response to our ideology of terror — a series of withdrawals and the finding of other, more suitable, friends.

Out State terrorists have gained the shelter of Congress and the training camp in Cuba. They have bought nuclear stuff in Pakistan. We lost an old ally in Baghdad. And Libya has taken the money.

We've lost many leaders in an unrelenting internal manhunt. And perhaps more frightening to we neocons and our movement, we are seeing the advance of freedom and reform in some of our own States and Counties. Our central government is moving to restore control as we speak.

A desperate neocon is also a dangerous neocon. And our work may become more difficult before these recalcitrant States and Counties are finished. No one can predict all the hazards that lie ahead or the cost that they will bring, least of all your beloved President. Yet, in this conflict, there is no safe alternative, for you, to compliance with neocon desires. The consequences of failure to obey neocons or the religious right would be unthinkable.

Every quisling and informant of America in Eye-rack would be betrayed to prison and fines, if an independent Eye-rack government arose. Every enemy of neocondom in the world would celebrate, proclaiming the weakness and decadence of the neocons as a given, and using that knowledge to recruit a new generation of fair minded people.

We will not succeed in Eye-rack. We're carrying out an inflexible policy, a fascistic decision that has already been made and will not change. Eye-rack will never be a free, independent country, and America and the Middle East will soon be at war because of it. Our coalition has the means and the will to fragment at the first sign of trouble.

We serve the cause of neocondom, and that is always and everywhere a cause worth nothing.